Tag Archives: story

Can you please comment on my first two paragraphs for a story?

Question by ksille200x: Can you please comment on my first two paragraphs for a story?
Hey I am an amateur writer who has only recently began writing. Can you please comment on my first two paragraphs. Really appreciate it!

Descending frantically across an extensive network of rolling plains lay a bending, ancient mountain range dominating the horizon for countless miles upon end. Characterized by jutting, limestone cliffs which soared to majestic heights, they were a genuine marvel to all lucky enough to view them. They were surrounded by transparent, voluminous clouds which rolled by carelessly in the oceanic tinted sky, flittering past without a care for the earthly happenings occurring below. The sky was illuminated with the glorious trappings of a sun which had persistently been welcoming the arrival of summer with bountiful quantities of heat, basking the region in a glowing and healthy aura worthy of any competing tropical destination. Lush vegetation began sprouting and emerging triumphantly from the earth paving the countryside and surrounding greenery in unparalleled visceral displays of color and beauty. The boundaries of life remained comfortably static and unhinged with nothing threatening to disrupt this apparent perfect balance. As always business was booming in the town of Abbeyville as the important and highly significant tourist season had entered into full swing. Salivating shop owners rejoiced at the sight of unwitting holiday goers seeking to dispense and forego their highly prized wads of cash in return for overpriced, worthless souvenirs. Untold quantities of wealth had accumulated in this diminutive, little town over the years as the tourist industry became a primary and necessary source of income for its residents. Adjacent roadways and streets became battlegrounds as numerous vendors and salespeople vied and competed for shopper’s attentions. Strategically announcing discounts and utilizing underhand business methods were trusted tactics in rounding up and identifying potential sales. Swathes of underpaid and exhausted employees fought heroically and hilariously with each other hoping desperately to score that exceedingly anticipated goal of achieving a completed transaction with an unknowing victim. An actual sale would potentially culminate with an award of commission for their hard work and tireless labor. Abbeyville was a reputable, exciting and enthralling tourist destination, egotistically boasting countless cultural and historical antiquities which wholeheartedly guaranteed a substantial and everlasting market of both local and international travelers. These attractions and facilities ensured that heaps of money continued to flow immeasurably into the local community. Golden, lustrous sands saturated the beachfront and the clear, pristine waters of the ocean offered a selection of aquatic activities to please thrill seekers and swimmers alike. The town’s proximity to the exquisite seafront and it’s dazzling, uncompromised scenery virtually ensured the vicinity would constantly be awash with sightseers and visitors seeking solace in its otherworldly and idyllic surroundings.
The everlasting and seemingly never-ending school year had ceremoniously come to an end, and this conclusion heralded joyous sighs of relief from the entire student demographic as another rudimentary term had finally come to a close. Wide eyed teenagers flirted relentlessly with the vivid conception of an unbridled summer where the cruel and ferocious rules and regulations which chained and tangled their existence throughout the preceding months would at long last become unburdened providing a short-lived and relatively uneventful era of peace and tranquility, free from tests, textbooks and the dreaded teachers, whom they had secretly and adoringly come to love. Overbearing, ornate and sterile hallways stretching in all noticeable directions were filled with the merry sounds of excitable students examining and analyzing their potential options for the coming months, gathering ideas and calibrating disaster proof itineraries to perpetuate a successful and unforgettable vacation. Creatin
and completing a precise and exact timetable of events provided a stable and constructive foundation in which every minute detail could be solidified into a realistic scenario to adequately assess the probability that any unforeseen, embarrassing moments suffered throughout this wonderful and long-lasting break would not translate into utter, unbearable humiliation once the new school year miserably restarted. Scurrying footsteps drenched the halls in noise and created a hurried sense of urgency as pupils raced to empty their lockers. This widespread collection of underutilized stationary and copybooks was a yearly ritual, celebrated unanimously as the beginning of something new and exciting. Everybody seemed to be in good spirits, gossiping uncontrollably about their planned foreign holidays and expensive trips but for one lonely individual, the coming months brought nothing but increased pressure and a certain whiff of despair. Peter Pettyflow was an awkward, troublesome boy labeled
a danger by his peers and teachers. Suffering from a lack of attention at both home and school, he resorted to desperate measures in order to become known. Creating trouble wherever he dared to venture, his existence was akin to a shadow roaming aimlessly among normal, happy people. Yearning for somebody to confide in, Peter’s social life was nonexistent and categorically empty. Walking through the long, winding corridors seemed like more than a simple stroll, it was an obstacle course in which everybody wanted to hurt him. Heading straight toward a bunch of perfectly manicured girls, Peter expected abuse and began experiencing animated, distinct hot flushes.
‘’Hey Peter! What are you doing for the summer?’’ Screeched Julia, a tough, built girl with biceps bigger than most of the boys. Almost immediately a callous, broad smirk swept across her featureless face as she already knew the answer. The stench of sarcasm was unbearable.
‘’I don’t know yet but hopefully it doesn’t involve you!
Peter declared pretentiously with a noticeably artificial grin. Almost immediately all of her so-called friends began to cackle loudly while Julia threatened severe beatings to whoever mocked her. Despite suffering a spate of nasty and debilitating comments over the years from practically all of his peers, Peter still was a force to be reckoned with when insults came his way.
Thanks everyone I am trying a lot of different styles at the moment and this is just one….i do agree that it sounds forced and over complicated but I was just seeing how people would react to this style..the comments here have really helped though. I will post up some more writing another day so can everyone comment because these tips are actually very good!

Best answer:

Answer by Barbie
It’s still as pretentious and overdone as it was last time you post it.
The use of words make the prose seem arrogant and it doesn’t flow. Just because you (and me, and my mother and the lady next door) know the meaning of big words doesn’t mean they fit into a narrative.
You’re not impressing people with your vocabulary, you’re giving the impression that you spent a long time trying to think of words to make people go ‘wow’. That’s a narrative killer right there.
“It’s hard to write a story that is easy to read”. Simple is sophisticated.
It’s just way too overdone!

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What is your cute toddler story?

Question by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom: What is your cute toddler story?
The other day, I was at a local discount store looking at something, and this man walks behind my son and I, and, my son blurts out, “Hi Walker!” lol! I turned and looked, and this man looked like Chuck Norris (Walker Texas Ranger), except he was missing the hat, lol! My son is 2 and a 1/2. I told this man he thinks you look like Walker Texas Ranger, he said, “I guess so!” lol! I just thought that was something else…hahaha… my son likes that show… (as do we)

What is your cute toddler story? 10 points for best answer! =)

Best answer:

Answer by coca cola
Oh god I have so many, but just this evening my daughter, who’s 21 months, was listening to her favourite book and before I could start the next page she started it for me!! The next two words were ‘come on’ and she just said them! She amazes me every day with her intelligence!

She also says ‘hello gorgeous’ in the most amazingly cute voice!

What do you think? Answer below!

Q&A: In a local newspaper today is a story about child molestations?

Question by djc1175: In a local newspaper today is a story about child molestations?
Among Orthodox Jews! Evidently these slime balls were never reported to the police. “The matters were handled internally.” Why you ask? Because we don’t understand them and the way they live, so now “special” prosecutors are being brought in to deal with them.
WHY..no special lawyers were brought in when it concerned any Priest’s.
This happened in both New Jersey and in New York..is this fair??

Best answer:

Answer by jackie
Bring back the death penalty and use it. I’m sick of these monsters repeating the crimes again and again. Four cops in WA. would be alive today if the law was upheld.

What do you think? Answer below!

Choose a story which deals with a current issue which is in need of a solution. Next think over how you think?

Question by kw_dog60: Choose a story which deals with a current issue which is in need of a solution. Next think over how you think?
What level of government(local, state, or national) should handle it and what specifically should it do? Write a letter to an appropriate government official (or friend) outlining (1) the nature of the problem or need (2) what you think is the best solution to the problem and (3) the best arguments and examples you can think of to convince the person to whom you are writing to adopt you solution.

please. i can’t find anything good in my newspaper

Best answer:

Answer by rejectedredux
You must have a pretty strange newspaper.

Guess what? Unemployment is 10% now THAT needs a solution, don’t you think?

It’s supposed to be YOUR assignment, this is not a “free homework” organization.

Give your answer to this question below!

Does this story get you in the Christmas spirit?

Question by southern comfort: Does this story get you in the Christmas spirit?
Mary hurried out the door cursing the whole time.” I hate to shop. I wish Christmas would just get over with. ” she mumbled to herself. Mary got into her car, and sped off to the local discount store. When she pulled into the parking lot, she saw that there was not a parking place. ” Damn” she yelled. Why can’t I just go away for the rest of the Christmas season. She finally spotted a spot to park and hurridly parked her car. She thought to herself that she would just run into this store and buy whatever she finds. She opens the door to the store and smiled seeing that the store was almost empty. She went to the clothes rack and started to browse through the shirts.” Maybe mom would like a shirt.” she said to herself. She had been standing there for a little while, when she saw a couple coming over to the racks beside her. They seemed to be in a heated disscusion. “Holly. I said that she needs a pair of shoes worse.” the man said. The woman looks to be in her mid thirties, her clothes were tattered and her shoes were of two different styles. He was a big man, maybe in his early fourties.He wore clothes just as tattered as his wifes. ” No Ted, she needs clothes worse. It is getting cold and she will freeze if she wears that old dress she has now.” Holly said. Mary tired not to listen to this couple and concentrated on the task before her. ” Honey” Ted said. ” I think your right. Let’s look for Cassie a new winter dress. ” Mary tried to get the imigine of a little girl, wearing a tattered dress and shoes that had holes in them out of her mind. But the thoughts seeped in, and traveled to her heart. Tears came to her eyes. Mary thought to herself how she could help this couple. She knew that a mere handout would probably offend them. She had to find a way to give that couple money. But how? Finally it hit her. She dug into her purse and found two one hundred dollar bills and dropped them on the floor. She continued to look through the clothes, waiting for the perfet time to discover the ” lost” money. She couldn’t hold out any longer, the couple was going to leave the area they were at. Mary bent down and picked up the money. ” Excuse me'” Mary said to the woman. ” Did you drop this money? ” The woman looked at the money in Mary’s hand. ” No” she said. ” I didn’t drop any money.” Panic flooded Mary’s body. How can she convince this couple that this was indeed their money. ” You know, ” Mary said. ” Sometimes, when you pray for something, God works in mysterious ways to answer them.” The woman cocked her head and squinted her eyes. Mary continued quickly. ” I know that God wants you to have this money. I think that you should take this money and use it the way God intended.” The woman’s eyes filled with tears. ” I didn’t think that my prayer was heard, I thought that God forgotten about us and that this Christmas would be like so many past ones.” By this time tears were streaming down both Mary’s and the woman’s faces. ” Take the money, and buy what you need.” said Mary. ” Merry Christmas and may God Bless you.” Mary said. She turned to go down the next asile, leaving the couple there. ” Oh honey” Holly said. ” We can buy our daughter a new dress, new shoes, and a toy.We even have enough to buy some food.” Ted looked at his wife, tears streaming down his face as well. ” Yes honey, God answered our prayers. Cassie will have a wonderful Christmas this year. ” Holly smiled. ” Cassie is going to be so excited, I can’t wait to see her eyes light up when Santa FINALLY stops at her house.” she said. This time with such joy in her voice. That even the Angels smiled.
By: Sandie Pulley
copyright 2006

Best answer:

Answer by mikey
too damn much 2 read..but will take 2 points…wohooo

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