Q&A: What do I do with local grandparents that only care about themselves?

Question by fourcheeks4: What do I do with local grandparents that only care about themselves?
My step-mother in law only had one child, and she only took care of him until he was 3 then she moved out here (her choice) and didn’t start to take care of her son again until he was 17. I have two children 29 months and 11 months.. both who I absolutely adore, and I really don’t think that it’s a good idea to have the children around her every weekend. She freaks out under child stress. She only gives attention to my son, My daughter will be one this month and she hasn’t even spent time with her. Just like when my son was one. She was never a good parent to my husband and his brother, and his dad and step mom truly only care about themselves, that’s why he GAVE custody to his ex wife over his 12 yr old daughter, so he didn’t have to deal with her., and when they see her once a yr they treat her like she’s just a nuisance. What do I do raising my children with local grandparents that only care about themselves?
His father was a suspect in his real mom’s murder and his dad screwed him over by putting his name on a business my husband didn’t own.
Even when I was pregnant they didn’t care, when I got into a car wreck when I was 7 months pregnant they didn’t care or call. They went to the Bahamas when our son was born, and didn’t come to our daughter’s birth.
My husband and I have never had a babysitter, we are the only people that take care of our angels. we only go over there on supervised visits.

Best answer:

Answer by Gizoku

Add your own answer in the comments!

10 thoughts on “Q&A: What do I do with local grandparents that only care about themselves?

  1. Amber

    Wow, thats an awful situation! I would avoid letting my children go near these people… limit it to only holidays and birthdays because you don’t want people like that being any kind of influence in their lives. I had 3 bad grandparents ( some would say 4 but at least she tried really hard) and I turned out just fine… grandparents aren’t owed anything if they don’t deserve the grandparent privelages.

  2. jpeg06

    Boy you sure married into a great family eh? Just remember that just because someone is family doesnt mean that you have to like them, love them, or ever see them at all. I have ex-in-laws that are also very self absorbed and cruel. You DO NOT EVER have to let those people near your children. If your husband wants to spend time with them, let him. It doesnt mean that you have to. Just leave them alone. This life is all about you girl. Do what you want. Live your life your own way. Dont ever let anyone hold you down. (Not even the man you love). And most importantly….YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOUR OWN AND NO ONE ELSE HAS ANY RIGHTS TO THEM AT ALL. So raise them you way. 😀

  3. Jan C

    Take care of your children yourself. You don’t need this kind of person in your life anyway. Obtain a trusted sitter occasionally when you need to go out. If you can’t afford one, stay home or go only to places where you can take the children with you. Not everyone has free sitting available and young people take this responsibility when you have the kids.

  4. TAMMY C

    i would get away as fast as possible, they are your children and you get to decide who they are around and you don’t want them around those people

  5. jackielafemme

    “What do I do raising my children with local grandparents that only care about themselves?”
    That´s the big question!!! What do you do? Wake up…shake up your head and walk away. Sorry they asked for it. Your kids are going to end up like his 12 yrs old…being a nuisance for them. Some people don´t deserve to be around us much less around our children…
    Good luck

  6. Casey

    These people don’t sound like anyone you should be around at all. If you and your husband don’t want to spend time with them, then keep your family separate from them. There is no law that says that just because you are related to someone that you have to have a relationship with them. There is no reason to tolerate such behavior.

  7. sliderzfastpitch

    I am in sorta a similar situation. My inlaws have 3 kids…my hubby (the oldest), his sis (middle) and brother (youngest). My inlaws hated me from day one. My hubby and I were high school sweethearts and dated for 4 years before getting married. We have 2 awesome kids ages 14 and 9. My mother inlaw has gone so far to tell people that our kids are not my hubbies even though I have never been with anyone other than him. Their daughter has 2 kids ages 9 and 3 and they are the perfect grand kids to hear the inlaws talk. They are always buying them things, having them sleep over, taking care of them any time their daughter has a cold, etc. They go to the daughters 9 year olds sports and school activities and not to my kids. It is so aggrivating but I have decided to not let it get to me. I try to make it up to my kids for how their grandparents neglect them but I never bad mouth them around my kids. I know now that my 14yo is old enough to realize the different treatment that she resents them and will one day decide to not have anything to do with her grandparents which will be their loss.

  8. BeeGee

    First, how do your children respond to their so called grandparents? Are they fidgety, do they cry? If so, then limit your visitations to once or twice a year…supervised. Second, beware that it may be you that feels abandoned for your children rather than them. It always feels wonderful to be welcomed to a loving in law family, but that just doesn’t always happen. If you have a strong marriage and your life is good without the in laws then….move on with your life with your family. As the kids get older and they want to see their grandparents then make trial visits to see responses and limit it if needed then too. Explain to your children that they are loved by you and your husband. That the “Grandparents” aren’t great with kids but you are sure it isn’t because of them that the grandparents are cold fish. Maybe your husband needs to talk to his parents.

  9. rachel

    just be rid of them and move on. They are not worth your time and it is better to do it now while your kids are too young to miss them

  10. Colleen O

    Where is it written that grandparents HAVE to care about their grandchildren? If that is a new law when did it get passed? Time you woke up and realized that this world is filled with all kind of people. My mother barely raised me, When she did pay attention to me it was to critisize or verbally abuse me or after I’d gotten the crap beat out of me by my dad tell me I deserved every bit of it..my father was a violent alcoholic who took his temper out on me. My father had been dead a couple of years before my daughter came along but I didn’t keep my mom from seeing my daughter although she didn’t do anything to help me raise her. Including the year we lived with her while my then husband was overseas. I had to pay a babysitter in order to go back to school because my mother wouldn’t watch her for a couple of hours two nights a week. But that’s life. I suggest that you and your husband hire a babysitter once in awhile when you want to go out though…because if you don’t get some “alone time” it will take a toll on your marriage…but being grandparents doesn’t mean anyon HAS to want to take care of or even acknowledge their grandchildren.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *